For most of my life, from when I was just beginning preschool and continuing to this day, I have been very introverted. As a child, it mostly focused on the usually shyness that many children display. This personality feature led to me burying myself in books, and rarely pursuing any social behavior.  As a young student, this  largely manifested itself in my inability to ask for help or directions from others. Usually, though, it didn’t really hurt me, because my teachers always said I was “very bright”, and didn’t need the help. As I got older, however, this led to a strong aversion, perhaps even a phobia, to initiating interaction with others. This introduced a persistent anxiety into my thoughts, which has proven hard to shake.

My pre-college school years all largely consisted of me easily gliding through my work, with incredibly little effort required. Sometimes, it was as though everything we worked on in class was instantly absorbed and locked in, never even needing to be studied or practiced. I never struggled with academic issues and was able to do all my work on my own, which exacerbated my issues. When I reached my last years of high school, however, I suddenly met struggles, particularly in my math, and history courses, which I had never known. Instead of quickly reading my textbooks once, and never having to open them again but for homework, I then had to read and reread many times to understand. Math equations which earlier would have been easy concepts were suddenly akin to foreign languages, and history topics weren’t as discernible as before. I pushed through, finishing high school, but not in a strong fashion, by any means. The wall I hit made it very difficult to start facing my tasks, and difficult to approach anyone for help. I hoped it was simply an isolated incident, but ultimately, this was not the case.

When I first stepped into class in college, I felt prepared and excited, ready to finally begin focusing my education towards what I wanted to do with my life. However, I nearly immediately began to struggle, sidled with difficulties in multiple courses coupled with stricter time constraints. I was unable to force myself to ask for help, and I quickly fell behind. When this happened, I knew my anxiety was a significant issue. Group work in classes forced me to face my social anxiety head-on, and it caused more problems with performance in class than it helped me open up. I knew I needed to take action, and, upon desperately consulting a few others, I began seeing a psychiatrist, who I still meet with today. In the time since, I’ve been advised on how to approach my problems. Being more proactive, even when it has been challenging to push myself to do so, has helped keep individual problems  smaller and less urgent, which has made my anxiety more manageable. Instead of being hit by a mental wall when I realize what I’m facing, it’s easier to make progress, and, thus, easier to ask for help when I need it.

Now, my anxiety, though still quite present, is more manageable.  I push myself to talk to others more when I can, just to make it easier to talk when necessary. It’s still uncomfortable to do, and I still have trouble expressing myself, but it’s not so debilitating anymore. I’ve spent the last few couple of years writing in a blog, so I can work on communicating with others, and focus on accomplishing my goals. I still have plenty of trouble approaching others, and feel anxious in most social situations, but I’ve taken steps to try to work through it, and that’s the most important thing.

I’m Jason, and I have been, for much of my life, a reluctant writer. My writing has been largely kept to writing assignments, which have not only spurned my creative efforts, but have always discouraged me, through exhaustion and monotony, from writing much of anything else.  Much of my writing recently has been in blog format, in the blog I have had for nearly 30 months, which I, in part, set up to ensure that I at least occasionally wrote anything of note, and to make sure that I could write down my own plans. Its topics range from coverage and opinions on politics, to video games and music, to reading, and far between. So far, it has been key in allowing me to express some of my thoughts and feelings where I am otherwise unable to.

Most of my writing is done, as the blog format might suggest, in short, frequent bursts. I have hoped that this would help cultivate better tendencies in my writing preparation, but I’ve as of yet seen little in terms of development or results. When I do physical writing, I simply must use pens. Pencils were my choice until high school, when I finally began to progress in neatness, and simultaneously tired of constantly sharpening pencils. My weaknesses in writing are pacing myself in the developmental phase and properly expressing my ideas.

In paper versus screen, I prefer the more free-form capabilities of  paper. I feel I can better connect to something when I can physically touch it. Being able to, for instance, write notes directly on something for reading is great. It really makes the processes of writing and of understanding so much easier.

(I’m not sure this is the best potential topic, especially in that I’m not sure it has the most succinct conclusion, nor the best possible fit for any of the three ideas.)

 

For most of my life, from when I was just beginning preschool and continuing to this day, I have been very introverted. As a young student, it largely manifested itself in my inability to ask for help or directions from others. Usually, though, it didn’t really hurt me, because my teachers always said I was “very bright”, and didn’t need the help. As I got older, however, I still never got any attention from my teachers, and, when I finally began to struggle, I could never get their assistance, and they never thought much of my issues. This made it even more difficult to succeed in my classes and in my studies.

My elementary, middle, and high school years all largely consisted of me easily gliding through my work, with incredibly little effort required. Sometimes, it was as though everything we worked on in class was instantly absorbed and locked in, never even needing to be studied or practiced. I never struggled with academic issues, and never knew many of the difficulties most classmates faced often. They constantly seemed to have to work so much harder than I did, persevering through tough work, as I could stop working long before them.

When I reached my last years of high school, however, I suddenly met struggles, particularly in my statistics, pre-calculus, and history courses, which I had never known. Instead of quickly reading my textbooks once, and never having to open them again but for homework, I then had to read and reread many times to understand. Math equations which earlier would have been easy concepts were suddenly akin to foreign languages, and history topics weren’t as discernible as before. I made it through, however, based on a much stronger effort, but it was not even close to the striking change I met entering college.

When I first stepped into class in college, I felt prepared and excited, ready to finally begin focusing my education towards what I wanted to do with my life. However, I nearly immediately began to struggle, sidled with difficulties in multiple courses coupled with stricter time constraints.